Wired for Intimacy

Interesting piece in The Point

2011-04-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

In the most recent issue of the magazine The Point, John Lingan has put together a piece entitled Salvation for Civilians: Porn as a Way of Life. In it he profiles his take on WFI and contrasts it with porn star and author Zak Smith. It contains quite a bit of personal material about me, but captures the essence of what I believe in and what I am working for as a person of faith, husband, father, and psychologist.

Give it a look over if you get a chance. In dealing with journalists I rarely feel as if they have presented our conversations accurately. Mr. Lingan, however, has somehow managed to make me seem more interesting than I am and makes my points better than I am able to.

New Study Reveals 'Wiring' Differences Between Men and Women

2011-01-10T07:55:00.000-08:00

A study recently published in the journal NeuroImage has reported widespread differences between men and women in the way neural circuits are put together. The article (click here) which utilizes a brain imaging technique known as diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) was conducted to characterize the differences between the white matter (made predominantly of myelin which serves to insulate the neurons). DTI is commonly used to examine the examine the microstructure of large tracts of connections between brain regions.

If you are planning on getting this article and reading it, be warned....it is incredibly technical. That being said, let me give you a quick summary. The researchers observed that there were significant differences in three critical regions of the brain:

The thalamus (the region for sensory inputs)
The corpus callosum (which connects the two cortical hemispheres)
The cingulum which connects the cingulate cortex with another cortical region (the entorhinal cortex) that is is involved in the processing of memories.
The major issue is that higher anisotropy was seen in these areas in men when compared to women. In layman's terms, the brain circuit's insulation in these regions are thicker which might indicated being more 'hardwired' or that these circuits are carrying a heavier neurological load. This is where interpretations can go in any number of directions.

One way to think of this, is to compare how the brain utilizes electical signals and compare it to how we use electricity in our homes. In the brain, each neuron receives a chemical signal called a neurotransmitter which causes that neuron to become electrically charged. If that neuron is sufficiently charged it will fire - this is called an action potential. The action potential is an electrical signal that is sent down the output part of the neuron (called an axon), so that it can release its neurotransmitters onto other neurons. In our homes, the electrical current that passes through the wires needs to be insulated so that it doesn't cause a fire or jump to a ground source. Needless to say, that is why the wires in our walls are insulated and covered in a continuous sheath of rubber. In the brain, however, the insulation is called myelin. It is this myelin that DTI is measuring - in essence it is looking at the thickness of the wiring in these brain regions.

It will be interesting to see how long it takes the media to get hold of this and how the research community responds to it.

Our next project

2010-12-30T07:21:00.000-08:00

As you can tell, it has been quite a while since I've sat down and done this whole blogging thing. Needless to say things have been exceptionally busy. We've got several studies that we have wrapped up and are getting ready to send off to the journals and I've been busy reading through manuscripts in preparation for my next text.

This summer I had the opportunity to do some prep work and have been encouraged to write a book on women's brains and sexuality. The proposal has been accepted (thank you, Al Hsu and IVP) and I will be working with my wife, Donna, on the project and we will co-author. Not being a woman, it seemed logical to partner with the woman I knew best on this project. This book will deal more broadly than just pornography but with a variety of issues related to sexuality (i.e. prostitution, abuse, sexting), so we've got a lot more to cover. Our hope is that it will not just be informational (as WFI was) but will include more practical advice (something I intentionally steered clear of in WFI), more stories of people who have struggled, and even more of a Biblical and theological flavor.

Once again, if there are any questions or studies that you would like to suggest we review here on WFI's blog, please drop a note in the comments or send me the reference.

Just a reminder to continue supporting the Esther Fund and to look forward to a year of more/actual blogging on this site.

Peace and have a Happy New Year!!

Link to Pornography History Survey

2010-04-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

Some of you have contacted me and indicated that you are interested in filling out/participating in our survey on the individual's experiences with Pornography. A copy of the survey can be found here and you can fill out the survey online. We will be allowing anyone to sign up, so you can direct anyone you might know who may be interested to the link or this blog. A copy of the link will also be posted in the left panel as well.

Peace,
-Dr. S

Covenant Eyes Interview

2010-04-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to the Covenant Eyes Blog for an interview I did with them.
Your Brain on Porn
It was loads of fun working with these guys and they have a wonderful ministry. one of the things that I really enjoyed about them is their honesty and their desire to really address this issue as openly as possible. A few months ago I had the opportunity to visit with them in Michigan and to meet up with several others who are working in this area. Michael Leahy , the author of several books including Porn @ Work , Crystal Renaud of Dirty Girls Ministries, and Francois Driessen of Firetrigger, Inc. who is putting together a documentary on the issue and titled, "Scratching the Surface".

The Silver Bullet? Taking Every Thought Captive

2010-02-22T08:42:00.000-08:00

As I've been talking with people about what research is out there on the brain that might be of help in recovering from pornography, I find that many people are looking for a 'silver bullet' from neuroscience. Much like every other area of life, we look for quick and easy ways to deal with our problems. We want to take a pill , find the right formula or buy the right tool that will make our problems go away. Unfortunately the truth is that a right understanding of how we are made, the consequences of our sin, and the best path to healing often entail that we take a hard road towards righteousness. That being said, I was reviewing some articles this morning and came across an old study that I knew about, but did not include in the final draft of Wired for Intimacy.

In a study published in 2001, three researchers in Montreal showed that male subjects who were asked to inhibit their level of sexual arousal when viewing pornography (film excerpts) were able to decrease their level of sexual arousal-related neural activity when compared with me who were not trying to control their levels of arousal. This fits with what I share in WFI that the neurological resources are in place to voluntarily influence the electrochemical activity that is initiated when viewing porn and to change the neurological pattens that are being reinforced.

So if you are looking to science to for a silver bullet, or you need the evidence of fMRI to confirm the wisdom of Scripture, perhaps this is just another way to understand what II Corinthians 10:5 means when we are encouraged to "...take every thought captive to obey Christ.."

Late Night on KDKA - A Message of Hope

2010-01-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

As a young boy growing up in western PA, I often got to listen to KDKA radio (and watch KDKA channel 2, too), so it was a bit of fun to be on with Father Ron Lengwin's show Amplify tonight. We had a chance to go through some of the things in WFI, and I count it a blessing to be able to share the word of hope from the book. That really is what this is all about isn't it? Our hope doesn't rest on passing laws, finding a porn-vaccine or selling millions of books. Our hope is found in the mystery of how God has created us and how his Spirit, Word and love can alter our very being and make us new creations.

2 Corinthians 5:17-6:1 states:
5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. 6:1The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Isn't it wonderful that the very rules that govern how our minds can become so depraved are those that can direct us towards holiness? When I think of how the nervous system interacts with the body and how it responds to the world around us, I cannot help but come to a place of awe. When I see how this system can be diverted to a place of depravity, it grieves my heart. When I see how the plasticity of the brain enables us to form new paths, new wiring, which can lead us to a mindset which looks away rather than leers, which celebrates rather than consumes I am filled with hope for those who are lost.

I am in the process of putting together some of the data from the XXXX Church and Covenant Eyes survey our research team conducted last semester. Once we have the data cleaned up and analyzed, be on the lookout for a summary. A first look at the data have some very interesting findings.

God's peace on you all and remember this year's resolution - Build the Esther Fund ;)

Peace,
-Dr. S

New Year's Resolutions: Build the Esther Fund

2009-12-31T15:50:00.000-08:00

January 1st is a symbolic day for many people. Some people resolve to lose weight, some to stop smoking. Some people resolve that this will be the year that they get that job they've always wanted, and some resolve to read War and Peace (or dare I say the Bible).

For many men, this may be the year that they resolve to kick their habit with pornography. For a good number of them it will be their first attempt, and for many others it will be the latest attempt in a string of many. This is an admirable resolution, to be sure, but it can sometimes be difficult to make a resolution that is about abstaining rather than indulging. Pursuing holiness is a scary task, especially when the reminders of our sinfulness are so easy to come by. But the life of Christ is not just marked by sin-avoidance. Jesus did not just go through life doing a sin slalom course - weaving through the lying, adultery, stealing, murder gates of life. The Christian walk is marked more by the "do untos" than the "don'ts".

So my challenge to all of the men who want to do more than just avoid temptation is to direct that energy to something productive. Let's find ways to "do unto" others rather than just have our personal "don'ts". Direct your life in such a way that it is towards something that may help you become more 'others-oriented', and to find ways to journey towards holiness by caring for those who have had the sacred stripped from this world. If you are looking for something specific, might I suggest The Esther Fund.

The Esther Fund was created by those at XXXChurch.com to assist porn stars who industry. They provide education, counseling, medical help, referrals to churches, mentoring, financial aid, and more. For almost 8 years they have visited numerous adult industry conventions across the world sharing the good news of Christ and offering real assistance to those who have been used by the industry the most.

Over the next few weeks, I will be blogging about opportunities to contribute to this fund and to be working towards something rather than just trying to avoid porn. For those of you who are looking to do more than just cleanse your conscience, let's find ways to mend what has been broken - the lives of women who have been consumed by pornography.

My resolution for this year is to tithe any funds I receive from Wired for Intimacy-related sales, speaking honorariums and workshops to The Esther Fund.

May the Peace and Hope of Christ be with everyone in 2010 and let's help build the Esther Fund. Who knows; it may be a modern day Esther that helps lead some of God's people out of slavery and bondage.

Wired for Intimacy is Out!

2009-12-14T09:33:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to let you know that the book is officially out and on its way to readers and bookstores. My wonderful editor, Al Hsu, informed me know it would be available at InterVarsity's Urbana conference in the next couple of weeks. So if you know of anyone who is going, feel free to point them in the direction of the book table.

It is finals week here for the professor, so I will be scoring exams and submitting grades. Be on the lookout for my next post, though due to the 'off time'. I'm soliciting suggestions for my next topic, but am currently deliberating between Tiger Woods, the Supreme Court's decision on privacy and sexting, and the Esther Fund.

Have a wonderful Advent season, everyone!!

Dr. Drew 's Sex Rehab - what it's lacking

2009-11-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

Imagine my surprise when I was cruising the channels the other night and I stumbled across Sex Rehab with Dr Drew on VH1. Unfortunately I couldn't watch it - my elementary school children were in the room at the time and I didn't want to risk DVR-ing it (all three of my children are adept at finding our recorded shows and watching them). So I had to wait until the kids were asleep and it was airing before I could get a chance to see what this was all about.

If you haven't seen it, Dr. Drew Pinsky (along with masters level clinical psychologist Jill Vermeire) hosts and guides eight individuals suffering from 'sex addiction' through a detox-like program at an inn-patient facility. Much like Celebrity Rehab, the show delves into issues related to addiction, abuse, trauma, recovery and sobriety. In the episode that I had a chance to watch, the cast were encourage in an intensive art therapy session to release their anger by smashing plates or other objets (I have always had my doubts about cathartic theapies). While succeding in getting a handful of the cast to be reduced to tears and face their emotions, I began to wonder where this was all going. Interested, I resolved to follow the episodes for the next few weeks in spite of the language, strong sexual content, and painful stories of sexaul brokenness.

By a strange coincidence, three of the cast were on a recent episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show (original air date 11/23/09). In so many ways, Dr. Drew gets it right, but he falls (in my opinion) just one step short of true healing. He can offer the hope of healing, but he is limited in that he is unable to offer a true source of healing: the forgiveness found in the blood of Christ and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

One of the more interesting individuals on Sex Rehab is former adult entertainer Jennifer Ketcham. What strikes me as so significant about Ms. Ketcham's story is that of being unable to 'connect' with people. It never ceases to make an impression on me - the depths to which sexual wounds which are inflicted upon someone and those they inflict upon others. Our sexual nature is such an embedded part of who we are, and it has such a sacred dimension to it, that whenever our sexuality manifests itself in a corrupted form - one which seeks to gain power over another, to dominate, to exercise a hedonistic selfishness at the expense of another - it can wreck havoc in the lives of so many. To hear her story of being sexually promiscuous at 12 and preying upon her classmates to exercise power over them is both terrifying and devastating. To hear her story of being raped and to see how this has impacted her life is truly heart-breaking. Her involvement in pornography is hardly a surprise given her painful story, and it offers another example of how pornography is a counterfit for real human connection - for the real human need to know and be known as good. If you are able to watch this show, and hear her story and not have your heart burdened with compassion for this woman, I do not know how you can call yourself a Christian. It is here in these places that our understanding of humanity and love should most call us to compassion for one another. It is here in this place of compassion that the message of God's love and forgiveness is most powerful.

To watch how Dr. Drew and his colleague attempt to treat those who have struggled with so much pain and suffering without the message of the gospel of Christ is also mystifying. Is this all that the world has to offer? It is here in this place of brokenness that the forgiveness of Jesus, the transforming power of the Holy Spirit and the love of God the Father is able to restore and redeem. It is here in the incarnation of Christ that we have a great high priest who took on our form, has sympathy on us, and humbled himself that the Church is able to go just one step beyond what the world has to offer. But, unfortunately many in the church are too quick to demonize, to ready to ostracize, to willing to judge those who have been sexually wounded and who wound others. When this sacred part of us is torn and corrupted it takes more than a few broken dishes, communal tears, vague reference towards 'spirituality' and a reality show to make us whole again.

As my wife and I watched the show, my wife looked at the screen and said, "I hope she meets Jesus."

It's my hope, too - for every member of the cast of Sex Rehab and for Dr. Drew.

It is in Jesus that I believe (and I know) the lives of each one of us can be restored and we can truly live.

Welcome to Wired for Intimacy: The Blog

2009-11-02T06:17:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this, my guess is that you are one of the handful of people who have picked up my text Wired for Intimacy and have browsed here to see what this whole thing is about. My hope is that this blog will be a place for me to share a wider vision about what it means to be created in God's image and how that plays out in all of our relationships (not just the 'sexual' ones).

I am also looking forward to using this space to comment on the ways in which the media address issues of sexuality. Whether it is a new book, scientific article published in a neuroimaging journal, a blurb on CNN.com or Foxnews.com, a billboard advertisement on the expressway or a question from one of you, I am looking forward to discovering new ways that we can discover how our sexuality can propel us towards sanctification rather than depravity.

Feel free to look around the blog. As additional resources for education, healing and encouragement become available I will be linking them in the appropriate sections. Also feel free to comment or contact me if there are any questions, comments, or concerns that you might have. My goal is to post at least once a week once the book comes out (some time in early December 2009), and then we will see where it goes from there.

Genesis 1:31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.